Consequences for head, health and well-beingSolo for too long? What single life does to our psyche

Years without a partner: loneliness creeps in quietly

At first everything feels like self-determination. But over time, conscious aloneness can develop into emotional loneliness. According to the experts at Charlie Health, a lack of deep closeness is often underestimated – even with a full circle of friends. Because romantic connection cannot be replaced one-to-one. There is a lack of a consistent emotional connection with a partner. This loneliness can make it difficult to open up to others.

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A new study with 17,000 young adults from the University of Zurich also shows that not having a partner has consequences for well-being. “Long-term singles are, on average, less satisfied with their lives“, summarizes psychologist Michael Krämer. Anyone between the ages of 16 and 29 who stays single for years or even permanently loses increasing life satisfaction, feels lonelier and also more depressed.

Self-esteem starts to waver when you live a long-term single life

Anyone who has been single for a long time often begins to ask themselves: “Is there something wrong with me?” Social pressure, wedding photos in the feed and constant questions from family or friends can eat away at your self-confidence. The result: self-doubt and rumination cycles increase. In a world that sees romantic relationships as a measure of success, long-term singles may question their own worth and compare themselves to others who are already in relationships, according to Charlie Health or have reached certain, socially recognized milestones.

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Social anxiety can grow without a partner

Being single for a long time can lead to more social anxiety, especially in situations involving couples or new dates. Some singles feel uncomfortable or like a “fifth wheel” when they are with couples. Or you feel envy and anger. If you've been alone for a long time, dating can also be difficult. Insecurities can arise when meeting a new potential partner, which can increase social anxiety. Allowing closeness, building trust or showing yourself vulnerable can sometimes be more difficult.

The well-being factor also plays a role in dating, explains psychologist Krämer from the University of Zurich: “If I am currently dissatisfied with my life or feel lonely, then the likelihood of staying single for a longer period increases.” The researcher believes that one reason is that satisfied people generally have a more positive aura on those around them and appear more attractive when dating, for example.

Unable to have a relationship thanks to being single for a long time? Fear of rejection or vulnerability increases

Additionally, single people may be more worried about being rejected or opening up in new relationships, according to experts at Charlie Health. After a long period of singleness, these people are particularly cautious when choosing a partner and wonder whether they can form meaningful emotional bonds.

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Emotional independence – a blessing and a curse at the same time

Anyone who is single for a long time becomes a master of self-regulation. Decisions? You meet alone. Problems? You solve it yourself. Single people often learn to overcome unexpected life challenges without immediate support, which strengthens their emotional resilience and coping skills, say the experts at “Charlie Health”. This can promote personal growth, self-confidence and a sense of independence. But it is precisely these strengths that can later become a hurdle. Because over time, your personal comfort zone can become so comfortable that any change seems threatening. The willingness to get involved with someone decreases.

As a long-term single, you can actually unlearn “compromises in everyday life together” without a committed relationship,
confirmed psychologist Ulrike Scheuermann in an interview with Watson. However, this is also just a question of habit, because of course one can “learn again” the ability to compromise that has fallen asleep, says the expert. After a long time without a partner, many people find it difficult to “adjust to another person with their possibly completely different needs and preferences” in everyday life. Scheuermann recommends allowing the unfamiliar, even if it may feel strange at first.

Changing priorities – living single also has advantages

According to Charlie Health, a positive psychological impact of being single can be a change in priorities. Instead of focusing on a partner, singles may place more emphasis on career goals, hobbies, friendships and self-care. You have more time for self-reflection and self-discovery. As a result, they become more aware of their own values, interests and personal growth.

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According to the American social scientist Bella DePaulo, through constant confrontation with themselves, singles have a good idea of ​​their weaknesses and strengths. Therefore, they could deal more carefully with their weak points – and consciously use their skills and talents in everyday life. “You can act assertively in important situations, such as at work.”Psychology Today quotes the expert who is also dedicated to researching solitary behavior. In the strengthening self-reflection that being alone enables them, Singles learn valuable coping strategieswhich make it easier for them to survive even in difficult everyday moments.

And time without a partner also allows you to build deeper relationships with friends that become like your chosen family. In a study, Bella DePaulo found that singles generally have wider circles of friends and acquaintances, regardless of gender. Because deep bonds are important for every person.

Dullness towards romantic relationships

A side effect of being single for a long time can be that you become numb to romantic relationships, says Charlie Health. This indifference can manifest itself in either the short or long term. For example, some people find long-term satisfaction being single and value the freedom and opportunities it offers them. Others keep breaking out of relationships.

Alone for too long? Depressive moods are possible

Even those who love their freedom are not free from the need for attachment. The need for physical and emotional intimacy remains a basic human need. If it is not fulfilled over the long term, it can lead to inner emptiness or sadness. Charlie Health notes that chronic loneliness may be a risk factor for depressive symptoms. The study results from the University of Zurich also show this. According to study author Krämer, the emotional stress of being permanently single led to depression and lack of energy among the participants. A lack of emotional support in everyday life increases stress – and there is a lack of someone to support you when things get difficult.

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So is being single unhealthy? The problem is not the relationship status

Does that mean being single is bad? Clearly: no! Being single can be a valuable period of self-discovery, healing and personal development. What becomes problematic is not the relationship status itself, but rather involuntary loneliness and emotional withdrawal.

The key is conscious connection – with friends, family and most importantly with yourself. Because in the end, it's not the relationship status that determines our happiness, but rather how fulfilled and connected we feel. And perhaps that is exactly the most important love story of our lives: the one with ourselves.

Sources used: Charlie Health, Stern, Watson, Psychology Today, University of Zurich