Psychotherapist explains cases like Collien Fernandes's“Sex offenders? You can't see it!”

March 20, 2026 around 18:21 Clock

“Sexual assaults often take place in the home”

“Sex offenders that I see,” says Heike Melzer, doctor of neurology and medical psychotherapist, “I would really like to have a coffee with them. They don't stand out socially at all.” There is no characteristic that identifies people who inflict sexual violence on others. They don't seem any less friendly or quieter than others. They are often even comforting partners. Even for those they secretly violated. “Sexual assaults, or acts of violence, often take place in the home.”

Reading tip: Where Collien Fernandes is now

After the Spiegel report, Christian Ulmen's lawyer spoke out. Prof. Dr. Christian Schertz represents the actor's press law interests. He said: “After a summary review, the reporting is unlawful for several reasons. We are therefore also instructed to take legal action against Spiegel. On the one hand, it is largely inadmissible suspicious reporting. On the other hand, untrue facts are being spread based on a one-sided description. We therefore ask that you respect Mr. Ulmen's personal rights and refrain from accepting one-sided allegations.” Lawyer Prof. Dr. Schertz initially goes unanswered. Christian Ulmen is presumed innocent.

It's difficult to talk to a psychologist about the Fernandes case without getting specific. But, Heike Melzer explains, there are patterns that recur, behavior that can be observed more often.

Biedermann and the arsonists

There's the thing about AI – it has accelerated many things in recent years and created completely new forms of humiliation. “If there are disappointments or power is an issue,” explains Heike Melzer, “then it is much easier to punish your partner online and you remain undetected.” These are mechanisms that are more common and have disturbing consequences. “You can enjoy this power and comfort your partner at the same time. A classic good man and the arsonist.”

There's the matter of the idea of ​​revenge. “Different ideas about power in marriage can also play a role, insults that took place there and are then repaid in the digital area.”

There's the matter of the pleasure an abuser feels. This “constant availability of very strong sexual stimuli, and the transference and punishment at the same time”.

And – there is probably also this increasethe realization that you remain undetected. “You first start by making a fake profile, sending a photo. Let's see what the effect is,” says Heike Melzer, describing the process. “And then, in these lies, we can no longer row back, but we still experience a power potential or this punishment or the pleasure that is generated by it. And then we are stuck somewhere in a dead end.”

In the video: Collien Fernandes tells what hell she lives in

Whether it was Christian Ulmen or another person who sent these pictures of Collien Fernandes: Much of what the psychotherapist explains applies to every perpetrator. For everyone who hides on the internet. But if it's people who are particularly close to the victim, then this usually pulls the rug out from under the victim's feet. It is the second terrible blow that follows the humiliation. (tbe)

Source used: own RTL research