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Not as easy as you thinkGrowing together as a patchwork family: Expert explains what’s important
Alessandra Meyer-Wölden's (41) relationship was not meant to last forever. We don't know the reason for the separation. What we do know, however, is that a blended family can be quite challenging.
Stadler, Petra/ActionPress
Your love is over!
Alessandra Meyer-Wölden and Alexander Müller are separated. Her second attempt should last forever! Just like a real patchwork family. But that is exactly what is anything but easy for a relationship, as a family therapist explains.
Why patchwork families are often a challenge
In June 2024, Alessandra Meyer-Wölden and entrepreneur Alexander Müller will become a couple. After a first love affair a few months later, the two finally get back together. Until now: A few weeks ago the presenter broke up with the entrepreneur. The separation is confirmed to RTL by those closest to her. Alessandra Meyer-Wölden's management also announced the end of love upon request for a picture. The result: an end for the entire patchwork family. After all, the 43-year-old has five children and Alexander Müller has three children.
The reason for the separation is not known. Was it due to the patchwork family constellation like in the Meyer-Wölden/Müller house? Especially when children are involved, things quickly become complicated, explains family therapist Katharina Grünewald in the online portal Psychology Today. And other members of the patchwork family also contribute to possible conflicts. “I differentiate between six phases of patchwork love. However, there are a few hurdles to overcome on the way from the first energizing infatuation in phase one to the self-confident patchwork love in phase six.”
Not every patchwork family is harmonious (symbolic image)
picture alliance / dpa-tmn | Zacharie Scheurer
Often, after the first disagreements between the new couple, the idea arises that everyday life together could simplify the situation. But “that would be a jump from phase two to phase five. However, this shortcut is often partly responsible for the frequent separations.” Katharina Grünewald recommends that the couple first consciously deal with the “I and the you”. This could result in a “viable version for the we”. Because: “If love succeeds, the patchwork family also succeeds.”
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“Patchwork” contains the word “work”.
“If you're a patchwork couple, then the word 'work' is already part of it,” she also explains in Stern. As a new partner you have to come to terms with the fact that you are not number one. Jealousy is okay, but clear communication is also necessary. “Depending on how old the child is, I can then say: I also want to spend time with your dad or mom, how can we do that.”
But self-love is also important, emphasizes the family therapist. “You can concentrate on what you want and then communicate that.” You can look at yourself and say: You are good the way you are, says Grünewald.
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Helpful tips on how patchwork works in everyday life
In order for the new patchwork family to work, many tasks and wishes must be reconciled, recommends Caritas. The organization offers the following tips to make living together work:
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have patience – a new family situation like this doesn’t work overnight. Everyone involved needs time to get used to the new construct.
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Don't try to replace father or mother – Finding a role takes time. If children live in the household, common rules for living together must be established.
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Clarify roles in education – an absolute minefield, because if the partner's children feel patronized, they quickly react with rejection. Regular family conferences can help to discuss things together with the children.
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Time for two – this applies both to the child with its biological parent and to the new couple.
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Get advice – If you feel like you're not getting anywhere, counseling or psychological help makes sense
Reading tip: Pure patchwork idyll! Leni Klum out and about with mom Heidi AND dad Flavio Briatore
Caritas also emphasizes that a new family structure rarely works straight away. Sometimes it can take several years for everything to settle down. Building a good relationship with the patchwork children requires a lot of strength.
To what extent this worked for Alessandra Meyer-Wölden and Alexander Müller is unclear. As well as the reason for the end of love. Neither the 43-year-old nor Alexander Müller have yet made an official statement about the separation. Alessandra Meyer-Wölden's management only said that she wanted to concentrate fully on professional goals and take her life in a new direction when asked for a photo
Sources used: Caritas, Psychology Today, star and Picture
